sometimes I kiss people I shouldn’t kiss and let them unbutton my jeans sometimes I leave English class without asking and walk in angular circles until I can hear the blood rushing under my skin sometimes I run until I can’t breathe sometimes I sit in the rain sometimes I sleep for six hours in the middle of the day
sometimes I drive too fast and listen to my music so loud that it hurts sometimes I drink until everything goes black and I don’t remember talking about you all night (even though I do)
sometimes I cry about books and about people who died hundreds of years ago sometimes I don’t cry even though I want to more than anything sometimes I ignore the people I love sometimes hold myself to keep everything in because you are not here to do it
sometimes I think I’m alive sometimes I think I probably never will be
I was gonna write about you again.
but then I remembered you don’t care.
and I should be over this.
truthfully, I didn’t deal with it in the first place.
maybe that’s why it’s been pouring out of me lately.
the emotions and hurt, I mean.
they’re kind of drowning my fucking guts.
I want you to know I still think you’re as lovely as the sunsets I wanted to show you.
and the moon that I did.
I don’t know if you remember that but you said it was beautiful.
I remember thinking, I wish I could give it to you somehow.
because your eyes were so sad.
it would’ve been nice to see them in awe.
I looked at you in awe.
anyways, I want you to know I’m happy for you.
I’m pissed you’re not happy with me.
but that’s not really what people are supposed to say.
so I’ll just say I’m happy for you and leave it there.
I’d still give you the moon if I could.
I’d give you the whole fucking sky.
even if you wanted to share it with her instead.
I’m seriously tearing up…
im literally cry rn bc its so relevant
Lifefuck. hadn’t read this in a while
too fucking relevant
I cant deal with how relevant this is
it hurt when I stumbled across her.
she was like broken glass all along the floor.
but it was beautiful and my curiosity got the best of me.
I remember looking at her and all I could see was pain.
she had this insane look of desperation; you could almost feel it.
and yet her eyes were still hollow; like the life had been sucked out of her.
I wanted to pick up her pieces.
I wanted to put her back together.
and so I tried. I really did.
I got a little cut along the way.
the more I tried to fix her the more fragile I became myself but I didn’t care.
I wanted to see her happy.
every time I made her laugh I thought about how I wanted to make her laugh forever.
she was getting better.
eventually she was put together enough to get up and walk away.
but she didn’t take me with her.
and I’ve been stuck sitting here where I first found her.
wondering if the pieces left on the floor are hers or mine.
I should probably get the fuck up.
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL OHMYGOD
This actually fucking hurt to read.
THIS HURT SO MUCH TO READ
Oh my god, this is so heartbreaking yet so fucking beautiful to read. Just wow, I’m speechless.
My brother killed himself
on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year
and I missed four days of work
and my mom wanted to know ‘Why’.
he was always a fan of beauty
but what he did
was not beautiful at all.
And last week I got the news
that one of my good friends from high school
except this time
she’d gone too far
and now she was gone.
And I had a hard time falling asleep at night
and her mother
hugged me tight
and thanked me for coming to the service
but I did not
want to be there at all.
This is not
The girl down the street
would’ve turned 21 last year
and I can scarcely imagine
the wild times she would’ve
But she is buried six feet deep
after falling nearly 300
and she did not leave a note.
This is not
My freshman year of college
and my roommate was beautiful
and how I wanted to be just like her.
But she wore herself down
till she was
and if you blinked
you had to go and find her all over again.
So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition
but are paying her hospital bills
watching their daughter crumble.
This is not
So y’all can take your narcissistic
of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide
and shove them as far up your ass
as you possibly can.
Starvation is not beautiful.
Killing yourself is not beautiful.
is not beautiful.
This note I am writing
is not beautiful.
you are beautiful
and it’s about damn time you start believing it.